


Crushed Spaiku

by mere_ubu



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Haiku, Poetry, Spaiku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-25
Updated: 2010-07-25
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:38:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mere_ubu/pseuds/mere_ubu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>43 Spuffycentric haiku caps from BtVS, Season 5/Episode 14, "Crush."<br/>Twelve parts.<br/>527 words.<br/>731 syllables.<br/>(Not that I'm counting.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crushed Spaiku

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Fall 2008 round of LiveJournal's Seasonal Spuffy community. Big thank yous to Mister Beta for haiku-wrangling and to Philips for amoral support.
> 
> Disclaimer: Spike and Buffy are not mine; I just enjoy stuffing them into tiny boxes.
> 
> Much more Spaiku can be found at http://mere-ubu.livejournal.com/tag/spaiku

**Prologue: Dress**

Checks out the new threads,  
wishes for a reflection.  
Will she notice him?

\--  
**Not a Success**

I.  
Scoobies are dancing,  
Slayer all undefended . . .  
time to make a move.

  
II.  
Reverie disturbed  
by uninvited presence  
in alien garb.

  
III.  
Fashion disaster:  
when lovelorn manpires trip and  
fall into The Gap.

  
IV.  
Bantam vamp’s banter,  
bid for friendship bewilders.  
What’s his angle now?

\--

**Settle for Less**

Spurned, he sublimates—  
finds cold, cashmere comfort in  
Slayer-themed sex games.

\--

**Impress the Lady’s Relations**

I.  
Bit leans in closer . . .  
interview with a vampire.  
Spike’s so freaking cool!

  
II.  
Ghoul, interrupted  
by bossy big sister who  
never learned to knock.

  
III.  
Sits stunned on his tomb,  
gallantry unacknowledged.  
What’s it gonna take?

\--  
**Interlude, with Stress**

I.  
Slayer equation:  
crypt plus vampire equals bad.  
Clue in, already!

  
II.  
Sisterly lecture  
on dangerous ickiness  
canceled by bombshell.

  
III.  
Hears the words, but . . . huh?  
Frowns in incomprehension.  
_Spikesinwhatwithwho?!_

  
IV.  
Resolves to commence  
Operation Avoid Spike.  
Shouldn’t be too hard.

  
V.  
What’s he playing at,  
this undead Eddie Haskell  
flattering her mom?

\--  
**Keep Her Guessing**

I.  
DeSoto, Ramones,  
a flask of bourbon and thou . . .  
birds go for that, right?

  
II.  
Surreptitious glance  
gives way to naked panic.  
Watch the hands, buddy!

  
III.  
Bloke can’t even stretch  
without her flippin’ her wig!  
Jumpy little thing.

  
IV.  
Awkwardness relieved  
by persons of interest.  
Vamps eat Jiffy Pop?!

\--  
**Fess Up**

I.  
Buffy bails, then halts,  
arrested by chivalry.  
Apprehension dawns.

  
*****II.  
The late-night stakeout,  
the bogus suspects. The flask!  
(gulp) Is this a **date?**

  
IV.  
Something between us:  
loathing, disgust, heat, desire.  
Also? _Denial._

  
III.  
Entreats her to stay,  
discover how much he’s changed;  
he can be good, too.

  
IV.  
Years of hurtful jibes  
and cleaning up his messes  
can’t be overcome.

  
VI.  
Suspicions confirmed,  
she repels his admission,  
crushing fragile hopes.

  
_*Found haiku taken verbatim from episode._

\--

**Regression**

I.  
Slinks cryptward to find  
someone wants him after all;  
old habits die hard.

  
II.  
Useless to pretend  
he’ll ever be anything  
but death on two legs.

\--

**Processing**

I.  
Wary daughter heeds  
maternal admonition  
against her judgment.

  
II.  
Inner monologue:  
it **is** kind of flattering . . .  
_gross,_ Buffy! It’s _Spike!_

  
III.  
Reels in disbelief  
at creep-o shrine’s unveiling.  
Are those her panties?!

  
IV.  
Run! Do not pass go.  
_Sorry mom, did all I could—_  
stops dead in her tracks.

  
V.  
Paralyzing sight:  
worn black leather, blood-smeared mouth,  
nemesis returned.

\--

**Make a Spectacular Mess**

I.  
Bloody through playing;  
no longer be sire’s toy or  
Slayer’s punching bag.

  
II.  
Awakens in chains  
to florid declarations,  
mawkish theatrics.

  
III.  
Melodramatic  
proofs of devotion lost on  
captive audience.

  
IV.  
_I’m drowning in you._  
If she won’t throw him a line,  
he’ll drag her under.

  
V.  
She’ll not give a crumb:  
neither sliver of slack nor  
the barest smidgen.

  
VI.  
Soliloquizes  
on mad bitches and torture;  
wackiness ensues.

\--

**Egress**

I.  
Punches him and leaves  
his dignity in tatters,  
her shrine in shambles.

  
II.  
Gallops after her,  
mouth running faster than legs,  
looking for an in.

  
III.  
He said quite enough  
during her imprisonment.  
Slayer shuts him out.

  
IV.  
No happy ending  
when the main guy’s all bumpy,  
hunchback or vampire.

  
V.  
Unseen barrier  
not the only obstacle  
he’ll have to surmount.

\--

**Epilogue: Undress**

Disrobes for the day,  
asks her weary reflection:  
what is it he sees?


End file.
